In the Middle Earth of Nowhere
by Fire Whispers
Summary: Amy, considered as the normal girl, longs for action and adventure. Only, she never has time for it! But a funny twist of fate will bring her into a world of dangers and fantasy. And who ever thought there were portals leading to Middle-Earth anyway?
1. Author's Notes

Dear readers,

Although I can count the number of you on one hand, your reviews have warmed my heart. Now that sounds really formal, but it's true. Many thanks to Crystal Snowflakes, artemisturtle, Chrystyna, Nikki Staggerwall, Kayla7575, Lady Undomiel, sweet-legolas, Bad Kitty, Skyla13, winter girl, Ainu Laire and IsabelOBSSESED for reviewing. Oh, and Seya, I know who you are and where you live.

**Disclaimer**: Except for Amy and Val, and probably Siam the cat, all of the characters belong to J.R.R. Tolkien. May he rest in peace. I don't own Middle-Earth, or New York City, for that matter; if I did, I would certainly not be writing lousy fanfiction right now. Meh.

Gabi L.


	2. It's my life

"_OWW!!!"_

"_Stop moving, Amy. It just hurts more when you squirm like that!"_

_And it did. I can't even remember how I got that cut, but apparently Legolas found it before I did. It wasn't exactly the deep and large cut you see in movies and that make people run away so much it's bloody and gross, but just deep enough so that it stings like hell when you put that Elvish solution of his on it._

"_Do you really need to do that?" I turned towards him with a pout. "It's just a scratch."_

_I hate it when he does that; taking care of me as if I were a five-year old child. I'm an independent woman, for Heaven's sake!_

..........................................

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!

With a scream, I fell heavily on the floor. The hard and cold wooden floor. Then, I glared evilly at my alarm clock. It was 8:30, one of the most unholy hours of the morning. It was too early for the cartoons and almost too late for the first class. With a sigh, I turned around and leaned on my elbow, my eyes thin with fury.

"Would you mind? I was tryin' to sleep just now!" I barked before throwing the unsuspecting, still beeping clock against the wall. Poor thing. I'll get the broom later.

As I was about to snuggle back between the warm covers, I quickly glanced at the opened door... to find my roommate looking at me with an amused grin on her mischievous face. From above, she was giving me one of those superior looks that meant 'I always knew you were crazy, but not to that point...'

"What?"

"Did you really say 'love life' or was it just a weird noise down there that made me hear things you never said?" her eyes became thinner than they already were with fake suspicion as she sat next to me on the bed.

"You dreamt." I answered, frowning at her.

Normally, I would have forgotten this regrettable incident, closed the door on her face and gone back to sleep. But right now, it was too late. Val, the roommate in question, was already getting to think I was just plain crazy –which was absolutely not true except in a possible case of coffee abuse– and looking at my with knowing eyes. Despite being a little self-centered, she was extremely intuitive...

"Tell me all about it, don't skip the unnecessary and put an accent on the crunchy parts." She said, making herself comfortable and waiting eagerly for my tale.

I laughed nervously and made eye contact. "Honey, why don't you go back to sleep like the good girl you are, and we'll talk about it later... huh?" I tried in a desperate effort to baby-talk her out of my room. With no success.

Breathe in, breathe out. I began, telling her about the dream. She was disappointed, mainly because it was nothing but mushy-mushy stuff. No action, no physical contact that was worth it...

"Hum. You're nuts." Came the reply, after a long time of arduous thought.

"I know." Then I realized. "Why?"

"You've got the sexiest, the most gorgeous elf to ever appear on a cinema screen, and all you can do with him is get hurt? I can't understand that. What are you, a nun?"

Well, in a way she was right. I have the funny habit of always getting hurt at the wrong moment. But still, she was being extremely selfish given she couldn't get entertained.

"That's _your_ fault! You've been filling my head with useless stuff about that blonde elf of yours for three hole _damn_ weeks and now, it's even haunting my once peaceful dreams!" I exclaimed before stopping a moment to get my breath back.

At that point, you'd have to know that in this world, _two_ things could possibly traumatize me. The first one being spiders just like most girls, it was easy to guess that the second one is to hear your best friend talking unstoppably of a blonde, pointy-eared fictional character.

Val is, in a way, one of the most Legolas-obsessed girls I'd ever know. During her free time, she'd spend hours and hours surfing on the net and searching for images of her favorite elf. She'd even gone as far as to learn horse riding and archery. Personally, I found it stupid. I'd rather study than spend time turning vegetable in front of an idiot screen.

Okay, one point to clarify. I never said Legolas isn't cute, because he is. I just can't stand the idea of getting obsessed by him, that's all. And anyway, he isn't even real...

"Get outta here, I'd like to sleep." I said in a grouchy tone.

Before even reaching the door, she swiftly turned around and looked at me in the eye. "One more thing, babe. I need you out at three pm, Nick's coming. Just get lost for the night, k?" and with a mischievous smile, she left and closed the door behind her. "Oh, and take the cat with you, _please_..."

_Nick_. Well, at least, she's moving on... last week, it was someone else. Don't even remember his name.

"Wait! What's wrong with the–"The door slammed before I could finish my sentence. "–cat."

Anyway, I'd better get going. Last time she had a boyfriend in here, I actually had to sneak out by hiding twenty minutes in the bathroom... Calling the cat, I suddenly realized why Val wanted me to take her away. She was already there, perched on the high stool next to my window and staring at me with her enormous green eyes as if I'd just fallen from mars. Stupid creature.

A few... hours later I was finally out of bed. It wasn't _my fault_ if I had fallen asleep again. I may be lazy on Saturday mornings, but the other days aren't the same. As a medicine student, I regularly wake up early to pinch my poor nose between the sometimes _very_ boring pages of one of the too many medicine books. And given I also regularly study late, it pretty much shortens my nights. That's why my second best friend is my coffee mug. When it's full, of course.

Deciding at the last minute to grab a book –medicine one, just in case– I checked it everything was fine for Val's guest. Because she was out shopping for groceries, it was my job to look around the small apartment to spot stains on the carpet, half-empty glasses or old newspapers. Seeing that everything was clean and clear for romance and... well other things, I took the cat under an arm, my book under the other, my keys between my teeth and left.


	3. From NYC to ME

"Maw…"

"Shush, you furball."

Siam the Cat had been mewing, or rather maawing, for _hours_, and I was really amazed at the resistance of these critters: you can step on their tails, yell at them, stop feeding them for days, ignore them completely and let them caterwaul all night long, but they'll never give up or just fall asleep out of fatigue.

"Maw." The cat took a short pause to jump on the front seat from the back and paw it for a moment, before sitting face to me and starting her concert again.

"Shuddup!" I was getting very annoyed. I was trying to study, but with a background soundtrack such as a bored cat, it was becoming very hard to focus and actually learn something. Although in that case it would have been hard for me to actually _learn_ something from that book: I knew it like the back of my hand.

If it wasn't with Val's unconditional love for this thing, I'd have thrown it out of the window a long time ago. I'm not cold-hearted or anything, but a girl has limits, limits this cat loves to cross. All the time.

My car was parked at the entrance of small woods. Any other normal girl would have been scared to stay more than ten seconds around here, but not me. I played in these woods when I was a kid, and knew the forest by heart. That was why I had wanted to come here: everyone else was frightened, so the place was perfectly quiet. Except for the constant noises of the cat, of course.

"Maaaw."

"That's it! I have had it!"

As quickly as I could, to prevent the cat from dodging and bouncing over me, I literally jumped on her, caught her with both hands and trapped her in the glove box in front of her.

"There. All nice, cozy and _quiet_."

* * *

Somewhere around eleven, I got tired of the muffled maws and afraid she'd pooped on my papers. Taking a little cat-leash from my travel bag, I frowned when my hand met with something wet and sticky. When I took a closer look, I saw an open pot of what seemed to be… jell-o. Val had wanted to put a snack in my bag. And like every time she tried to do that, it had ended up with a mess. Mess I had to clean myself. I took a tissue and wiped my fingers while wondering when she had had access to my bag. 

Twisting and turning myself so as to reach the glove box, I pushed a button and the little door opened, making way for an enraged, spitting and scratching cat. I wasn't scared though, having been around for some time. I was used to see this cat pitch a fit every now and then, and I knew exactly how to deal with it.

When I was finally done, the cat was all tied up and could merely jump from the high seat and walk a few inches before being, roughly, pulled back. Taking one last second to grab my bag, we, the cat, the bag and I, settled out for a trip into the woods.

I was surprised to find the woods completely changed. Once clear and green even under the pale light of the moon, the grass was now thicker, longer and darker than ever before. The trees had grown taller and the shadows they were projecting at me were quite frightening. The air was heavy, charged with some kind of negative vibe, and a cold breeze blew on my bare arms. Shivers ran down my spine, and my whole body shook for a moment. This place was giving me the creeps.

Suddenly, I found myself worried for the cat. Not that I liked it or anything, but a very annoying voice inside of me kept screaming that Val would be mad at me until we turned eighty if I ever lost her beloved, toe-munching companion. I took a deep breath and coughed. Dust. Allergies… next sneeze in five seconds!

"Ah… Ah… Atchoo!" The sound of my sneeze echoed for seconds, and another came. Then another, and another. Stupid forest. Stupid place, stupid Val!

"Kitty? Get back in here or I'll…" before I even had time to finish my threatening monologue, a tree attacked me. Or rather… a branch attacked my forehead. I'm still not sure, but whatever may have happened, I know I landed on my butt. Again. The thing was, this tree was really bigger than the others, and the branch that hit me was as thick as my leg!

Now, I might not be a biologist, but trees that tall shouldn't be allowed to exist! They're a danger for people like me! People who, might I add, are already a danger to themselves. Clumsy like me, it's hard to find. I have always had the nasty habit to bang my head or shoulder —or any other part of my anatomy— against anything and everything, varying from doorframes to annoying things like tree branches.

With the shock, my bag spread its content on the grass. When I kneeled to pick up my things, I noticed something else I didn't know I had taken with me: a book. Well, not any book, it was Val's perfectly kept and beautifully illustrated copy of the Lord of the Rings. She had probably borrowed my bag, placed it in (she never travels without that book) and forgotten it here. But there again, it's weird. She NEVER leaves it behind…

Indeed, it was strange. I would have expressed my puzzlement aloud... But I had no time to do so. Thick haze covered the floor, adding to the hale of light that emanated from the book. I couldn't hear the sweetly annoying song of the crickets anymore. I couldn't even see what was in front of me so much it was bright and blinding.

At that point, I should have screamed, ran for my life of fainted.

But I couldn't.

I was just stuck, my feet wouldn't move. Light surrounded me and I almost immediately lost contact with reality… to never regain it. My eyes closed, and I thought I was dying. I felt my body twist and turn in the air, or whatever else it might have been, and I probably stood there, in the middle of a place —no word in any of the four languages I spoke could fit for a description— no one else but me would ever know.

Suddenly, if such word can be used since time seemed to have stopped, I felt a violent pain inside, and yet I couldn't tell where it came from. My heart, my lungs… I wasn't even aware of them anymore. It felt like my soul was being ripped from my body, taken away by some invisible hand and put aside in a security chamber, far away from me.

The next second, I was sitting astride on a _large_ branch. The only thing was that I wasn't alone in this tree. Next to me, leaning on the thick trunk, was a man. Or at least it looked like one.

On second thought, it wasn't a man. It had some kind of freaky pointy ears … abnormally long blonde hair… he really reminded me of someone… someone I saw at least two times a day, every time I tried getting my lipgloss back from Val's room…

The 'man' turned slowly his head towards me. Blue eyes, high cheekbones, strong jaw, thin lips…

I screamed.

I was so panicked, I forgot for a moment the fact that I was up in a tree. And I backed up, so did he. But, you know, the funny thing about trying to hold on to something that doesn't exist is that _sometimes_, you happen to fall. And that's exactly what I did.

Before everything came black, I noticed something extremely weird: the sun. It might have sounded awkward at the time, but now that I think about it… I swore it was nighttime back in the forest.

* * *

When I woke up from what must have been a really long sleep, a sweet and forest-like smell reached teased my nostrils. My head was resting on something soft, like a cushion, and a silky cloth covered my body up to my shoulders. Murmurs rose from around me when I moved an arm to rub my aching head.

Cracking open one eye, then the other, I saw two huge, deep blue eyes staring at me. Once again, I screamed; and once again, the blonde head stood back in surprise.

"You!?! _Again_!?!" I yelled towards him. "All of you!?!" I turned to where the whispers came from to find three familiar yet unknown faces looking at me. "Can't you people just leave me alone??"

For a moment, I thought I had fallen asleep in the car, and was currently dreaming. But my head was throbbing and my back hurt like after a very intense dance practice. I wasn't dreaming.

"You are hurt" the elder said, reaching for something on a side table.

"Hey, I fell from a _tree_, wouldn't that be _normal_?!?"

All the old men looked at each other, visibly surprised, and consulted each other for a moment in an unknown language. Something about the unknown tongue reminded me of Elvish, like that spoken in the Lord of the Rings movies. Val's favorite movie…

"We will leave you to rest."

And they left, one behind the other, still chattering in their strange and flowing tongue. I sighed loudly, hoping for someone to hear it. I needed something to wake my body up, but how could I pick it up if even leaning on my elbows was terribly painful?

I stared at the ceiling for a moment. It was quite interesting, really. But what amazed me most of all was the view. There were no windows to speak of. In fact, the wall was literally cut open and left that way. From my bed, I could see mountains, waterfalls, trees and houses.

The whole room was bathed with the warm light of mid-morning. Having gone camping several times a year with my parents for over ten years, I knew quite well how to determine the time of the day from the position of the sun, yet in such circumstances, I was uncertain.

I heard a door open and close, and padded footsteps coming towards me. I didn't bother to turn around, though, because I knew my neck was not in the right state for such acrobatics. I felt someone sit next to me on the bed and lean on their arm, as if waiting for something to happen. A voice finally rose behind me.

"Where do you come from, stranger?"


	4. Someone please help that elf

"Where do you come from, stranger?" his soft voice echoed in my ears.

"Where am I in the first place?" I asked, ignoring his previous question. He stood, speechless, for a moment.

"You're in Mirkwood, my lady."

Taking a risk at moving my neck, I turned my head to face him. To my relief, nothing cracked.

"Yeah, right." There was a notable pause. "You are crazy. And you'll have me believe that I fell on my bum three times today, to land in some kind of totally non-existing world from a book? With elves and trolls and big elephants with giant horns?"

He stood there, rather surprised at my sudden outburst. This kind of situation made me nervous, and by situation I mean being stuck in a place I don't know, with people I don't know, for a reason I don't know.

"This is so stupid ... is it a prank? The guys from college... and the one that looks just like Orlando Bloom! You guys wanted me to go nuts? Punish me for complaining about Val's obsession all the time? How did you do this? _Why me_?" I was sitting up now, shooting my questions one after the other, barely taking the time to breathe in between.

"What are you talking about?" He asked, taking his 'hey-look-at-me-I'm-an-elf' role too seriously.

I had to laugh. It was just too stupid to be true. I couldn't be in Middle-Earth. I just couldn't. It wasn't possible... how could it be possible? "Okay, alright. I stepped right into it. But now, I really want to go to a hospital for the head, and I could use a bath soon. So suck it up, and get me out of here."

His eyebrows shot up, and his jaw dropped slightly. He surely wasn't used to be talked to this way, it was obvious. Either that, or he hadn't understood half of what I said. "I beg your pardon, my lady?"

"Stop lady-ing me. It's not funny anymore. Get over it." I was getting annoyed. It was all about men; never knowing when to stop and move on. Meh.

I stopped for a moment, and my practical mind had to analyze the whole thing. Suddenly, it occurred to me that it wasn't a joke. Or rather, that it couldn't be a joke. My friends, or the friends of my friends, wouldn't have let anything happen to me, especially not a broken bone or a cracked skull.

I looked at Legolas, or at least at the guy who pretended to be Legolas, and sighed. Maybe it was possible, after all...

* * *

"So... you fell."

"No, I'm just dropping by! Of _course_ I fell, you stupid."

I heard him sigh and he rolled his eyes. He wasn't used to attitude coming from a woman for sure. And after I calmed down, he tried to assemble the facts, but only ended up with two things: one, I'm from another world; two, I'm insane. The first statement was pretty obvious, while the other owned him a black glare.

I jumped up on my feet, my head getting better with every passing minute, and waited as he eyed lazily my body from head to toe. I might not have been the most self-proud person in the world, but to have him check up every inch of my body made me feel rather uncomfortable.

"What?"

He kept on inspecting, and seemed to check up every stitch, every particle of dust of my clothing. I cocked an eyebrow at him, and he frowned in return.

"You really hope to be received into the King's chamber in those garments?"

"Honestly, no. But since you'll be right next to me, he won't have much of a choice, will he?" I shot back, smiling proudly to my poor confused self.

I mean, take my place. Figure you ended up in... um... let's say Yeti Land. What would you do (besides being chased by an avalanche or an angry Yeti and possibly being eaten)? Well, it's not the best of all examples, but you probably get my point. The kicker is, you'd be lost, uncomfortable and disoriented. And to add to my current disorientation, I had to follow Legolas through that maze of a palace he lives in.

When he knocked on a remarkably high and imposing maple wood door, I felt a pang of excitement in the bottom of my stomach. Not knowing why, I quickly chased it away and proceeded to scan the surroundings. It pretty much looked like a hallway, though not really decorated. To my left and right, two different paths and several ranks of doors. Behind me, a double door, yet this one was not just big: it was _huge_. The wooden frame was carved with delicate and curved patterns, sometimes with a bird or a forest animal. Both doors were wide open, and from the foliage and dirt paths beyond it, I could tell it was the main entrance door.

While I was admiring the sculptor's work, I didn't notice Legolas entering the royal chamber. I felt a light tugging on my arm, and the next second Legolas had pulled me into the room. It was kind of dark despite windows and candles, except for where a throne stood. And sitting on this throne, anyone could have guessed that there was a king. But at the moment, there wasn't any. In fact, the king was standing next to a window, gazing through it and watching the running waters splash playfully on nearby rocks and patches of grass. It looked like fun.

"Well, what have you brought me this time, Legolas?" He asked, still watching the water drops.

He was tall, large and held himself like a king. His long gray hair, tied and braided, was topped by a thin crown of intertwined silver laces. With strong jaw and high cheekbones, he looked a bit like his son; only he had deep gray eyes that seemed to tell their own story. Despite his advanced age and stern allure, he laughed lightly when Legolas found himself out of words.

"Dude, if you think I'm one of those girls you bring home just for one night, you've got it wrong, to a point—" I pointed menacingly at the king with my index finger.

"Amy, please," Legolas cut me and lowered my hand before whispering in my ear, "he still is the King and you still are the intruder."

And I stood there, my half-opened mouth indicating that he was right. God, what kind of mess did I put myself in? Maybe he was cruel? Or a sadist? Maybe he had a no-pity policy?

I raised an eyebrow when the King himself simply laughed. I couldn't believe it. The King of Mirkwood himself was _snickering_ at me.

"Fell?" The King said, slightly amused.

"Yeah... kinda. In fact, I was like sucked into this world... do you see what I mean?"

"Not at all." Father and son both replied.

Within minutes, we were all three sitting at a heavy wooden table and lively talking about... well about me. The King had come to the conclusion that I was some kind of time-traveler; only I wasn't traveling in time, but between worlds. He emitted the suggestion of seeing an expert, as to say Elrond or Galadriel. I objected firmly, saying that I was totally against travel in general and that due to the most probable non-advancement of the transports technology here in this retarded country, I absolutely refused to ride a horse. I also pointed out, quite knowingly, that there was something going on with the here-present leafy prince and therefore he couldn't leave.

"Something?" The King asked with a strong voice. "What thing?"

"Well... it's hard to explain. Something with a ring. A mean ring that belongs to a mean man

... spirit... thing."

"What is it, my child?" I nodded. "What ring?."

Child? I was being called child by some century-old elven fart? In my world, I would've given him seventy or seventy-five years old, but I had been told (by an elf-maniac living in the same apartment as me) that Elves did age, but slowly and instead of becoming a senile old dotard, they became wise.

I was dying to shoot something back, but the warning look in Legolas' eyes persuaded me to hold my tongue. But just this time.

But, wait a minute. They didn't know about the ring? Perhaps I had fallen into Middle-Earth before the war of the Ring described in the books, and therefore I was here to help the fellowship fight... I shook myself. It sounded like a bad Legolas fanfiction written some hormonal teen in great need of adventure and elves.

Grey eyes scanned me, and once again I felt so observed those people in the reality shows would feel alone in comparison. He threw me such an intrigued look I had to look at myself. After a quick inspection, I detected what was definitely wrong. Oh great. I have fallen into Middle-Earth with a hard rock T-shirt put on.

* * *

Minutes later, the King had almost kicked me out of his room with not much tact, may I say. I guess he just wasn't used to modern words like _dude_, _car_ or even _stupid forest_. In the end, he looked just as confused as his son was when we first talked. Must be genetic, not understanding people who came from 21rst century Earth...


End file.
